Day 287 - Weigh In

So.... I have to do this. Be brave. I  got up on the scale. Saw the numbers...got up again. I'm so confused. 

Either I have a good body memory OR, this diet is WONDERFUL: 

February 18 - 194.8

Relapsed October 12

Started again on November 21 - 170.0

November 28 -  156.7

NEW COUNT 

Total pounds lost in 7 days:  13.3 pounds. (6.032 kilos)

Total pounds lost in 287 days:  38.1 pounds. (17.281 kilos)

Day 286 - Mirror Mirror on the wall

Am I fairest than last week?

My reflection on the mirror has changed drastically. It is really confusing when I look at myself.

I have been on the diet again and I see my face thinner. JUST IN 6 DAYS. I do not know if it's my poor perception of myself or if I'm really loosing weigh fast. 

Tomorrow I will be weighing in. I have no expectations, although I have received several compliments. 

I ask my father three days ago, if he noticed any change on my face, or if it was my dismorphia. His answer was: Your face is not that bitter.. all the muscles in your face are relaxed, you look happy. 

HUH?!?!?

Really dad? I just needed a yes or no answer. But maybe he was right. Maybe eating in a compulsive obsessive way makes me bitter cause I know it's wrong, and I shouldn't do it. It was an interesting point of view. 

I've been eating all my greens and envelopes. Some meat every other day, but once I make a decision, I go with it all the way. 

We'll see tomorrow how it goes. 

Day 280 - And it's a Hard rain, gonna fall.

It has been almost 60 days since the last time I wrote, since the last time I did the diet correctly. 

Yesterday I saw myself on the mirror. I did not liked what I saw. 

It was not dysmorphia. 

Today, Thursday, I decided to start AGAIN. And I stepped up on the scale. 

171.2 pounds. 

To my horrible surprise, I went up 20 pounds in 2 months. It's really scary. Let's not even talk about my sugar levels. 

I am so dissapointed in myself, ¿how could I let myself go this way? I thought I was being cautious with food. Now I know I wasn't. 

I want to go out and run for the next four hours and make this weigh dissapear!. 

Is this is how it's gonna be the rest of my life? It's not fair I can't handle a simple thing like eating. 

Today I am a hater.